You can't really wrap your head around it. No matter how much you try, no matter how many times you experience that loss, you will NEVER understand it. And what makes me angry is that we are just supposed to accept it as a part of life. Why?! It's so cruel to those of us still living. It is immeasurable pain and agony that eats away at the very person you are. It can turn the happiest person into a lifeless being. Why should we just accept that?
They say as a kid you just don't understand death....I don't understand it as an adult! In fact, it's gotten worse! I didn't deal with my mom's death when I was younger and so now here I am, constantly upset everytime I think about it. But tell me, how do you "deal" with someone you love dying? You don't! There's no dealing with it....you just have to choose to be ok with it. I'm not ok with it. Not at all. It's like a part of me was ripped out of my soul and I had no say in the matter.
Then Mark dies.....yeah I'm supposed to be ok with my friend just dying doing what he loved to do. That's not ok! And all this "it was their time to go" crap just makes me angry. No it wasn't!! And I'd love to be able to say that people should die in their sleep at an old age because they have fully lived, but even then people get hurt. I hate this concept, I hate this word, and I hate how we are just supposed to accept that people die. We are supposed to accept the feeling that your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on. We are supposed to accept that we are going to cry until we hyperventilate and feel like there is no way we could possibly cry anymore...only to continue to cry and miss that person until the day we die. Yeah....I'm not ok with any of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment